it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
