I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
