There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
