i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
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