pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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