Joe is yelling at the trees again.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
