Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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