I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
