i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
