You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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