Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
