I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
