look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
