Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize