Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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