Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
