Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
