Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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