i just google imaged poop.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
