he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
