You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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