cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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