There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
