The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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