Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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