I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Too much gin, very little bucket
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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