I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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