I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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