You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
