I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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