Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
