You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Randomize
