Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
