It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
