hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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