It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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