Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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