I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize