You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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