I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Please don't give away my fajitas
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
