My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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