your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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