just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
