please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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