So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
