1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
