dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
