my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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