Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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