I'm jealous of your bromance
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
