I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
