i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
