i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
