In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
