Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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