Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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