Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
