I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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