I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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