pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
