youre lurking in front of me
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
