seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
