No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
