my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
