Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
