i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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